Not Again
by corneroffandom
Summary: Bobby Ford's road to redemption is far from smooth.


Her father's face leering down at her after she spits in it, the cold feel of the gun against her breast, the sound of her own heavy breathing and his voice cutting her down for being disrespectful towards her own father- _you were never my father, my father has his own problems but he was never_ ever_ the depraved monster you are-_ are what she thinks will be the last few things she will ever remember, the last few seconds she'll have of reality before he takes her out but something she doesn't expect happens. Ford. He appears out of nowhere and tackles Mitch, begins fighting the gun away from him.

A blink and Natalie has her, is pulling her back towards where John is standing but all she can focus on is Ryder's father, how dangerously close the gun comes to being in range of various parts of his body and all she can do is hope, pray, that Mitch gets overwhelmed- but of course, it's Mitch, and before long, somehow, the gun goes off into the ceiling. Their fight pauses then, the chandelier teetering overhead, and Jess can barely breathe but she manages enough to yell, scream, plead. "_BOBBY, LOOK OUT!"___But it's too late, the heavy glass decoration falls on top of him, crushing him immediately. Mitch, of course, isn't even close to being harmed.

Another blink and her control slips- her emotions fade away behind a cloud of hard emptiness, and fight as she may all she can see is Nash's body broken and laying on the floor of a building, shards of glass scattered all around him. It is too similar, it hurts too much. Ryder growing up without a father like poor little Bree rids her of all breath and she can't take it, it leaves her vulnerable. Leaves her open to her disease and, despite the previous successes she's had at integration, she can feel it all slipping away with her control. Tess is in command before she can even believe it. For once, she's glad. Ford had loved her long before he loved Jess.

_Her eyes are blazing. All she can see is _Daddy_ standing over Bobby with that disgusted- disgusting- look on his face, gun in hand and she wouldn't put it past him just to shoot Bobby right here, right now, while he's down and out anyway. Even with the integration and Jess firmly in control, Tess can still follow things, remember what had happened previously, what's going on the second she appears. And even though Jess would probably beg her father, try to get on his good side, Tess has no delusions that that would help- not after everything, not anymore. She refuses to let Nash happen yet again, not when she can stop it. Fix it. Save him. She moves so fast that Natalie squeals slightly, and John barely even sees it coming as she lunges forward, grabs his gun and aims it at Mitch. "Move away from him," she orders. She can see even from this distance that the damn chandelier is keeping him from breathing, his chest and ribs compressed beneath the heavy glass._

_"Jessica-" Natalie whispers, her eyes gleaming with fear in the faint light. Tess ignores her, doesn't bother correcting her as John holds her back. _

_"You are not my daughter," Mitch says, undisturbed by the gasping, struggling man at his feet. No one in the room is aware how simply true those words are, as across town at this moment Clint and Viki Buchanan are being told something both very welcome and very startling. _

_"Obviously not," she spits at him, gun aimed at his midsection. "I told you. Move away from him. _Now._" She doesn't even pause, just presses the trigger and grimaces against the recoil as the standard issue for police officers goes off in her hand, Mitch immediately yelling out and collapsing to his knees. Unfortunately the bullet lodges in a non-vital area of the thigh, only wounding him enough that he's lost his balance and dropped his own gun but it gives them the time they need as Tess rushes forward and grabs at the chandelier. "It's ok, Bobby. We're going to get this off of you." She looks up, snapping at John. "Call for help!" _

_As he handles that, she pulls at the heavy decoration until a familiar, trembling hand stops her. "We'll do it together," Natalie tells her softly, not caring that it's not her twin in control for now, her only focus on getting them all to safety. Somehow it works, the two of them, with a little help from John who's still barking into his phone, pulls the thing off and lets it crash thoughtlessly to the floor, before Tess drops to her knees next to Ford. _

_"Bobby, Bobby, look at me," she snaps, her worry and desperation making her feeling powerless and angry. "FORD!" That does it, his eyes slowly crack open and peer up at her and she gasps, resting a gentle hand on his cheek. "Hey, Bobby, hey." Tears slip down her face and he frowns up at her, struggling around blood and a frightening lack of oxygen to try to speak. "No, no," she mutters, pressing a finger to his mouth. "No talking, alright? Save your strength."_

_"Tess," he somehow manages before his eyes roll in the back of his head, too weak to stay conscious for very long. _

_She gapes at him, fresh tears rolling down her face. He could've said Jess and it'd just sounded muffled around his bloodied lips enough that she thought she'd heard her own name, yeah, sure, but something about the way he had looked at her was _it._ The way he had always looked at _her_, even when they were arguing and hating each other, with a kind of passion and fire that only kindred spirits could have, something he never looked at Jess with. His looks for Jess were full of respect and admiration, gentle adoration towards the mother of his son, the woman who had gone through so much in just the short time he had known her, and came out of it the stronger, wise woman he was slowly building a family and life with. _He remembers me. _But it doesn't fix the immediate problems- like he's bleeding, sluggishly, but still, and his breathing sounds labored even now._

_She watches and she frets, ignoring the struggling and straining Mitch as John protects all of them by keeping his gun locked on the downed maniac. Where Mitch's gun went, none are sure, just that he had tossed it, but it seems unimportant for now as the ambulance sirens wail closer and closer, adding to Tess' tension. When the EMTs finally arrive, she relaxes and feels as Jess struggles to regain control, desperate to return to Bobby's side with the danger gone for now. It's with a sigh and a grimace that for once she gives it up with little to no fighting, well aware that Ford needs Jess as much as he needs her. Not to mention Tess hates hospitals ever since St. Anne's and Jess is better at the nursing thing anyway._

Jess opens her eyes with a gasp and a jerk, quickly resting her hand back on Ford's cheek and squeezing his hand with the other. "Bobby, can you hear me?" His eyes flutter slowly and she murmurs soothingly, as the doors crash open. "The EMTs are here," she tells him. If not for Tess, if not for her more ruthless nature, this could've taken much longer. Time that ultimately Bobby might not have. For once, she is nearly relieved that her mother's issues were hereditary. As she runs a finger along his jaw, the stretcher is wheeled up to them and the men look uncertainly from Ford to Mitch.

"Take him," John orders, motioning with the gun to Ford. "I'll handle Lawrence myself. His injury is minor." As the false prophet sputters and yells after the EMTs about their failure at assisting the Chosen Voice of the Almighty, they waste no time in getting Bobby up- moving a little too roughly with him for Jess' comfort- and wheeling the stretcher out of the building, as desperate to get away from the guns and potential for violence as the rest of them. That look in John McBain's eyes never led to peaceful resolutions.

Jess requests and is allowed to ride in the ambulance with them. The EMTs know even by the small amount of examination they've managed to give him that it doesn't look good, best she has a chance to say her goodbyes just in case things go south in a hurry. Crush injuries are never easy to recover from. They work quickly, the fretful woman watching from a corner where she makes herself as small as possible so she's not in their way at all. She wishes Natalie were here with her, or Ford was awake, or none of this had happened at all. _Please, please,_ she pleads. _Not him too. Bree and he get along _so_ well, don't take Uncle Bobby from her too... or Ryder, he needs his father. And I need him, too. He can't die, not after everything. We've come so far._

She remembers the man she'd used to hate, and how he had changed slowly, starting, she thinks, way back when with Langston. After Ryder was revealed to be his and Tess somehow had wormed further inside of him, he had become even better, less love'em and leave'em and more dependable. He hadn't missed one planned outing with his son, she hadn't seen him with another woman _since_ Langston, and from there after Brody and Natalie, it had just been easy to start including him on little outings with Ryder and Bree. After he became her confidante and, yes, best friend, seeing in him what Tess had ultimately seen was easy. Underneath it all was a kind, loyal, affection-craved man and her heart aches for what monsters like Eddie Ford had deprived the world of for so long. _You can't take him, not now, please. He's just started to turn his life around, prove the kind of man and father he can be. Proving that he's nothing like Eddie. Please, let him stay._

Things move in a hurry once they arrive at the hospital and she just barely registers that James is there, and he's watching wide eyed and horrified, following the stretcher in a near-trance like state next to her as they wheel it inside. She feels so bad for him, to find out like this, have to watch helplessly as Bobby is worked on, and it's only worse once they're urged out of the room by a gentle, calm nurse who still has a worried look in her eye despite her demeanor.

Time ticks excruciatingly slow as they wait and hope and pray, both barely noticing the activity across the hall, where a sometimes quiet and sometimes pleading Starr is waiting. Jess barely has time to wonder why James isn't going to talk to his girlfriend, her focus so strongly on Bobby, watching him through the glass separating them from the room. "Please, Bobby," she whispers desperately, tears pricking at her eyes.

He feels his soul lifted from his body. It's a weird disconnect as the pain he could barely feel suddenly disappears, leaves him empty and blank. He's dropped mercilessly down on a hard, oddly warm surface and his eyes shoot open. A form in a dark hooded jacket is standing nearby, watching him, and he feels a shudder pass through his body. Something about the person is familiar... leaves him feeling young and vulnerable in a way he hasn't in a very long time.

Thus, he isn't all that surprised when the hood is pulled back to reveal the father from Hell, Eddie Ford himself. If anything could confirm to him that he's in hell himself, it lies in this very moment. His heart aches- he'd tried so hard to be a better man, but it hadn't mattered. His past sins- and yes, there were quite a few of them- had caught up with him. "I'm in Hell?" He almost doesn't realize he's vocalized that aloud until Eddie's hateful eyes drop upon him, his lips twitching upwards in a smirk.

"Aren't we all, Bobby?" he sneers, and the nickname sounds so wrong coming from his voice that it's like an icy fingernail going down Ford's spine.

"Don't call me that," he mutters, standing uncertainly from the shadowy platform he had been dumped unceremoniously upon. "Why haven't you moved on? You've been gone for months."

The eldest Ford smirks, crossing his arms over his chest. "Now, Bobby, it's starting to sound like you don't want me here. I knew you would end up here before long, so I chose to stay for you. My first born..." He reaches out as if to touch Bobby's face but the young man recoils away, his hands curling into fists.

"My only relief is that Ryder won't ever know you," he spits, eyes boring into his father. "It took me a long time to accept what Mom did, leaving us with you. But I look at Nate and he's happy and he doesn't carry the scars that James and I do. He didn't have to fight just to find someone, to trust in that. He has it easily with Dani, and that's because he wasn't raised under your influence."

"Ah yes, blame it all on Daddy," Eddie spits. "All of it- James' lack of morals, your own commitment issues... It's all _my_ fault! Yes indeedy. What next, are you going to blame the fact that you are a rapist on me too?"

Robert shakes his head. "What? I-I'm not..."

"Of course you are," he laughs. "Did you never think of it before now? Of course you are- what do you think you did when Jessica thought she was a teenager? When Ryder was conceived? You may think that little boy is so much better off without me in his life, but just picture- he has to learn some day that he came to be because Daddy took advantage of Mommy when she was out of her mind."

Tangling his fingers in his dark hair, Ford rocks back and forth on his feet. "No, no, no. I'm not... I didn't mean... Oh God." He looks nauseous, not paying attention as Eddie walks around him, chuckling in amusement at his son's torture.

"Of course you did, all you cared about at the time was gettin' off, you didn't care about little Jessica's feelings or the consequences. But look at her now, oh she'll give into the madness to save you from _her_ daddy, unaware that the one you always have and always _will_ have to worry about will be... little... ol'... me." His laugh is callous and echoing as he lunges at Bobby.

The door he's slammed against is hot, leaving tendrils of burning discomfort along the eldest Ford brother's back and all he can imagine is that it must be the entrance to Hell, how scorching it must be inside if the thick iron door blocking their path is _that_ painful just to lean against. Eddie, however, remains unfazed as he forces the door open and, fingers tight against Ford's arm, moves to sling him inside. "Ta ta, son!" he yells.

"NO!" Ford begs, yells, cries. "I didn't mean to hurt Jessica! I've changed, I'm not the same man! I don't want to be YOU!" The words fuel him, he switches the momentum until it's working against Eddie, grabbing his dad by his jacket and instead throwing him through the door. Disgusted with the man now screaming in the towering flames, and with himself for living in denial for so long, he works through the pain and slams the door shut, quickly falling away from it. "I need out of here," he mumbles, dazed. "Please... please, let me out. LET ME OUT!" He makes it back to his feet and starts running in the opposite direction, thinking he hears a female voice.

There's a blinding, white light and once he can see again, he stops just short of running headlong into a blonde woman and- Cole Thornhart? "Help me," he chokes out. "Please."

They both stare at him, Cole looking devestated. Despite the heavy emotions from the two Pine Valley residents, the strangely composed woman barely registers his words. "We have a bit of a problem," she tells them quietly. "I can help one of you to return to your life. But... there can _only_ be one... The other must move on."

As Cole and Ford exchange glances, all they can think about is what they'll ultimately leave behind- Star and Hope for Cole; Jessica, Ryder, and his two brothers for Ford. Ford is torn, he feels so bad for the young man before him, well aware of how it feels to think you're about to die and leave everyone behind, but he's obsessedly stuck on the same thought: _I need to make things right with Jessica. I can't let her only remember me as the man who raped her and then left her behind to raise Ryder alone. I _can't. _I've tried so hard to be a better man... first for Langston, now for her. I can't fail. Not now._

It's obvious Cole doesn't like Ford- he hasn't since Ford "took" Langston from Markko- but some kind of epiphany comes to the younger man as they stand there, staring at each other. The stalemate is broken when Cole turns back to Luna, taking in a shuddery breath. "I..." He seems to not believe what he's about to say, unable to easily get the words out. "I love my daughter," he chokes out. "I love Starr. But until I broke out of prison, they'd moved on. I... I think she could have a happy life without me. She's strong, she's a fighter." His broken gaze turns back to Ford. "Jessica's been through so much, I don't think anyone can fully survive losing _two_ of their children's fathers. I don't know how but by what I've heard, you... you make Jessica happy. She deserves to be happy."

Ford is staring on in amazement as Luna looks from one man to the other. "Well, then," she says softly. "It seems a decision has been made."

"Just," Cole chokes. "Can I have a minute, please?" At Luna's nod, he turns back to Ford. "I don't know how this works," he admits, tears dripping down his face. "If you'll even remember what's happening here. But I need you to do something for me..."

"Of course," Ford mutters, feeling horrible for the young man before him but unwilling to let go of his own second chance at life, selfish as it is. "What?"

Cole leans in, tells him something quietly, seriously. When he pulls back, Ford nods. A look of relief appears on his face as he turns reluctantly towards Luna Moody. "I, I think- I'm ready," he chokes out.

Ford holds an arm up over his face as light fills the room, blinding him yet again. When he tries to look once more, he fails: Everything is dark. He panics, fearing the worst. _What if I didn't get away from Eddie after all? What if... What if Luna changed her mind and saved Cole after all? No, no, I couldn't have... I didn't... Jessica!_

But there's a soft touch on his arm, a steady warmth against his side, and all he can think is _This doesn't feel like death._ His pain-filled eyes slowly pry themselves open, a fierce kind of agony greeting him when he tries to move away from the blinding light that appears to be aimed right at his eyes.

"Oh, oh, sorry, Bobby, hang on." There's a soft click overhead and Ford squints around, unable to move much at all. "It's ok, Bobby. We're all here." James leans over enough that he can see him, and Ford smiles weakly at him. "Hey bro." His responding smile is weak and shaky, but there, tears dripping down his nose.

"What's wrong... with you?" he murmurs, eyes fluttering despite his best attempt to stay awake.

"Nothing, bro, everything's great." James smiles, leaning over. "Hang on a minute, please, someone's gonna wanna see you." He reaches over Ford, resting his hand to the side, gently shaking whatever's leaning against him, so soft and warm. "Jess, Jessica, wake up, hurry. Bobby's awake."

This does it, the blonde woman who'd stolen his heart, body and soul sits up with a gasp, staring at James for a moment before her red-rimmed eyes turn to Bobby, her smile bittersweet with pain and joy all at once. "I knew you'd pull through," she chokes out, gently kissing him- and it's only then he realizes he's got an oxygen cannula in his nose- on the cheek. "I love you."

He stares at her, in disbelief that he had ever gotten her to forgive him after everything he'd done to her. "I love you too," he gasps out, reaching for her, despite the agony this sends through his body. "Jess, I'm so- so, so, sorry." He's just touched her face, gently brushing some hair out of her eyes, when his energy fades and he finally gives in to sleep. "So sorry..."

She and James exchange a worried glance before settling back in to wait for him to wake up once more, explain himself.

His sleep is tortured, nightmares of that night, the first night with Jessica, when Ryder had been concieved, Eddie's words from Limbo or hell or wherever they'd been, echoing in time with each move he'd made against her, inside of her. He wakes up with a gasp, trying to sit up, but crying out in pain as it feels like his whole body is tearing in two.

"Bobby!" he hears, soft hands pressing desperately against his shoulders. "James, get help. Now!" She sounds frantic and horrified, and he just wants to tell her to run, don't look back, that she deserves better- not him, not Brody, but someone who would never _ever_ hurt her and oh God he wants it to be him so bad but he hurt her a long time ago and... Her wet, salty lips graze his and it somehow soothes him, snaps him out of his thoughts enough that he responds immediately, leaning in for more, but she resists, easing him back against the bed for real this time.

He forces his eyes open, trying to see through the tears pooled there, and finds her staring down at him in relief. "Jess," he moans out, body still trembling from the pain it's in.

She smooths her fingers along his shoulders, careful to avoid where the chandelier had bit into his skin, and whispers quietly to him, reassuring him. "You're ok. It's going to be fine. Please keep your eyes open, just a little while longer. James will be back with the doctor soon."

He stares at her like she's an angel and grimaces, not due to the pain this time. "I'm so sorry."

She shakes her head, uncomprehending. "What for, Bobby? You saved me..." Her hand on his face feels like salvation and torture all at once, soft and so gentle. Two things he wasn't with her, two things a man like him never deserves to feel or have in his life ever. Before he can vocalize these things, a doctor and his brother return, the former looking calm and effecient while the latter looks like he's barely hanging on. The Ford brother's eyes lock and Bobby nods quietly at him, glancing over at Jessica.

Over two decades worth of being brothers making silent conversation easy between the two, James somehow understands and takes Jess by the arm. "Hey, why don't we give them a minute to look him over? Get some coffee?" She looks wary, confused, but Bobby smiles at her when she reluctantly goes along with it, glancing over her shoulder once more at him.

As soon as she's gone, he sinks down into the sheets, tired and worn, physically and emotionally. He barely registers the doctor and nurse wandering around his bed, just knows that what they're doing hurts a fair amount, his whole body feeling like it's on fire as they look him over. He falls asleep before they're done, drugs causing his dreams now to just be stilted memories and flashes of light and fire.

He wakes up feeling almost worse than he had when he'd woke up. On top of that, he's alone. _What I deserve,_ he thinks gloomily. _What I did to Jessica... I'm no better than Eddie. I probably deserved to go to hell... But instead... I got this second chance..._ He bunches his hands into fists against the bedding, cringing as his chest and abdomen protest that little bit of movement as well. He remembers something about a crush injury, how they're keeping a close eye on him but he's seemed to have pulled out of the woods for now. _Lucky, lucky me._

He's laying there, half dozing, when it all comes back to him in a rush- the weird, white world... seeing Cole Thornhart and that other, odd woman. The ultimatum. Cole agreeing to go on ahead, giving him a second- _third- fourth-_ chance at life to spare Jessica from more pain. "No, no," he mumbles, feeling even worse. "Ah, God." The first nurse he sees, he all but begs her to give him information on Cole Thornhart. Her head tilting towards the ground slightly, she tells him sadly that Cole Thornhart had died the night before. He knows immediately. It wasn't some strange, guilt induced dream. It all was real. "I need to see Starr Manning."

The litany of words keep coming, over and over, to each new nurse or doctor he sees. Finally he wakes up to find James in his room, a quiet kind of pain about him. He wonders briefly where Jessica is but figures she's with Bree, Ryder. Where she belongs, far from him and his destructive ways. "James, I need to see Starr," he tells him. When James' face falls further he shakes his head. "What? What is it, James?"

"Cole died," he says faintly. "She chose him and then he died and... I want to hate him, Bobby, but how can I after that?" He looks wrecked and so young, and Bobby curses his body's weakness right now, keeping him from getting up and comforting his little brother somehow.

"Get over here," he says instead. James pauses, shakes his head, but Bobby insists. _"Now,_ James." Trudging over, the middle brother sits awkwardly on the side of the bed, staring at all of the wires and tubes going in and out of Bobby, monitoring him, keeping his body functioning while it heals.

"I don't- I don't want to..." Ford glares at him and he quiets, gingerly leaning over to rest his face against his brother's shoulder. "I can't believe this. I came... came so close to losing everything," he finally breaks, crying hard. "You, Starr, all in one night." He sniffs. "I don't... I couldn't have..."

"You would've been fine," Bobby whispers, somehow getting the strength to press a hand to the back of his sibling's head. "You- you would've had Mom, and Nate, and Ryder to look after for me... As for Starr, there'll be other girls, you know? You survived Dad for years, you can survive anything, little brother." They fall quiet, James' tears slowly easing away as Bobby begins to reconnect the pieces, look ahead. He still has to talk to Jessica and he has no idea how that's going to pan out but for now, he feels like it's a start. After all, he can't squander Cole's sacrifice.

When he wakes up again, it's night time and Starr is hovering by his bed, looking devestated and worn down, like one wrong wind will topple her. James is outside of the room, watching them through the window with an unreadable look on his face. Bobby nods at him before turning to her. "Starr," he whispers.

"I'm glad you're awake," she chokes out, hands clenched into fists around the sweater she's wearing. It's obvious she's spent most of the night crying, mourning her lost love. "I know James and Jessica were both frightened for you." They've never been fond of each other, the way he had treated Langston causing her best friend code to immediately put him under the _hate _list, but she's being cordial and it's all he can ask.

"Thank you." He stares at his hands for a moment, unsure how to broach the subject. "Starr, do you-" He pauses, licks his lips. "God, I can't believe I'm about to ask this." He looks up into her confused face and tries again, bolstered by the need to just _say_ this to _somebody _already. "Do you believe in Heaven? Or some kind of afterlife?"

She looks thoughtful and a little wary but slowly nods. "I- I think... yes, I do. Why?"

He shakes his head again, taking a deep breath. It's such a ridiculous conversation, something that he barely believes in himself, and here he is, about to tell her "I talked to your boyfriend and he left a message for you before he went on to the pearly white gates." _Who in their right mind would believe _that?But he had promised Cole, agreed to spare her the sad details and just tell her the truth, something to give her to hold on to in the months to come. "I almost died last night."

She nods, staring at her hands. "I know." He wonders if she's thinking, somewhere deep inside _Why didn't you? Then maybe Cole would've been spared..._ and knows he'll be wondering that too for every day of his life- if Cole hadn't agreed to go, if it had been his choice to make that particular sacrifice... how things might've been different.

"I found myself in a white room," he tells her quietly, deciding to just skip the _Hell_ part. Retcon all of Eddie, like he wishes he could've from his life. "A woman was there... and... and Cole." Her eyes lock on him, lips thinning. She looks like she wants to yell at him or throw things but something keeps her in her place, feet planted on the cool tiles as she listens. "He knew his time was up... and he wanted me to tell you... that he will always love you and Hope, and he is so sorry he can't be there for you both."

"How dare you-" she's starting to say, tears welling up in her eyes once more.

"-He also wanted you to know to never stop singing and that if Hope grows up loving lizards too, he'll be so proud because it means she's just like her beautiful Mama."

_This_ takes the winds out of her sails and she crumples, shaking. "How would you know- about... the lizards?" Her hands trembling, she withdraws from his bedside and stumbles towards the door. "Cole... oh God, Cole..." She leaves before he can say anything else, and he sinks against the pillows, body drained just from that short, terrible converation.

The next time he greets the waking world, it's morning and Jessica's back, looking worn and a little sad. But she smiles when he looks up at her, and leans over, gently kissing him. His body is somewhere between numb and agony but he shakes his head when she asks if he needs a nurse. "Can I do anything for you?" she whispers. "I'm sorry I was gone yesterday. Bree needed to be told about you and my parents, and Ryder is growing so fast, I blink and he's changed again..."

"It's ok, I'm glad you were with them," he manages, dread almost choking him. It's time. "What's going on with your parents?" he asks, trying to stall.

She smiles, brushing hair off of his forehead. "It's nothing now," she breathes, kissing his jaw gently. "They were injured, but they're ok now. Don't worry about it. I do have some good news though. Bobby..." She takes his hands, squeezing softly. "Alison Perkins lied." He tries to place the name, thinks it's something about some insane nurse long ago who had to do with Mitch. "I'm not Mitch's daughter." Her tears are of happiness now, lips curving up into a gentle, purely joyful smile that lights up her whole face. "She changed the DNA results. I'm really Clint Buchanan's daughter... through and through."

He stares at her, eyes gleaming as he too is overwhelmed with pleasure for her-and Ryder, and Bree. None of them have _that_ particular branch of crazy in their bloodline. "I'm so happy for you, Jess," he grins, reaching out for her. She gently hugs him, breathing against his neck, and he wonders if maybe he should wait, not ruin this feel-good moment for her.

"Now, you, sir," she chides softly, pulling back. "When you woke up... you kept apologizing to me. What's going on?"

He smiles fondly at the almost Tess-like attitude and rests his hand on her upper arm. "All of this reminded me of some things... like... what I've done and haven't done and..." He shakes his head, closing his eyes. "Jess, I was such an asshole to you when we first..." He groans, gripping her tighter when she tries to get up. "No, no, I don't need a nurse or anything. Just... listen, please?" When she stills, he takes a deep breath. "I was in denial, I wouldn't admit it... but I took advantage of you that night Ryder was concieved, you were mentally not yourself and..." He forces himself to look her in the eye, take in the shock and grim acceptance in her gaze. "You were already fragile and I led you down the road that helped Tess take control... then I refused to get you the help you needed just to get what I wanted. And I am so, _so_ sorry for all of it."

She stares at him quietly and shakes her head. "Where is all of this coming from? I thought- thought we'd moved past it..."

"Let's just say nearly dying opened my eyes to a few things. Like I can never make this all up to you and I'm not sure how you've forgiven me enough for us to get _here,_" he whispers, trailing his fingers along her palm. "In fact, if you haven't, and it's all been because of Ryder, I... I don't mind going back to the way things were, when we'd only see each other for the kids. I don't want to cause you any more pain, Jess, but with a father like Eddie, I don't know how I can't. I've already proven I'm capable of being as ugly as he was, if not more."

She sobs and grabs his face, kissing him repeatedly all over, not even being hindered by the oxygen cannula. "Don't talk like that about yourself," she whispers roughly. "The fact alone that you feel this level of horror and disgust in your previous actions shows you're nothing like your father. You've changed, you're a good man now, and a great, loving father to Ryder and so, so kind to Bree. I won't let you go, I can't. Bobby, I need you and I want you, and I always will."

He closes his eyes as she presses her forehead against his, murmuring brokenly and he realizes how she must feel- comes so close to losing him to her father's madness just for him to wake up and start talking about ending their relationship here, now. _Smooth as always, Bobby._ He touches her face, kisses her lips. "Shhhh, Jess, it's ok. You're not going to lose me. If you're sure, you can have me as long as you want me."

She breathes in and opens her eyes, staring at him. "Forever," she whispers, "and more."

He's released from the hospital around a week later, joining the rest of the recovering at Jessica's parents' home, Clint and Viki both already on their feet and close to snapping at their children for constantly hovering. Bobby is nowhere near that, yet, though, his body still sore and stitched up from the glass and everything else. It feels great to be out of the hospital bed, however, as he sinks into the marshmellow-y soft couch that takes up a good portion of the Lord mansion's lofty living room. "How are you feeling, Robert?" Viki asks, sitting across from him and sipping tea while Jess and Natalie get him settled, looking frazzled with two babies and Bree also underfoot.

He smiles at her, feeling a little raw and exhausted still. "Like I could sleep for another week... but I'm better than I was. It feels good to be away from all of those nurses and machines." He had seen enough of both in the last two years to last him five lifetimes.

She smiles back, winking a little. "Clint and I are glad you're here, maybe with you around, the girls will stop fussing _quite_ so much." She pats a wandering Jessica's hand as the girl rolls her eyes, leaning over to kiss her cheek on her way by. "But they know we've appreciated all they've done."

"Uncle Bobby, uncle Bobby!" little Bree yells, running into the living room.

"Gentle," Jessica warns her as she rushes up to him, smiling wide enough to light up a whole city.

"She's fine," he tells her with a small smile before turning his attention back to Bree. "What is it?" As she crawls up onto the couch next to him, he grins. "I've missed you. And your brother too!" It's obvious Jess has told her to be careful with him because she doesn't immediately crawl up for a hug, waiting until he wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer.

"Ryder and I drew a picture for you!" she explains, holding up what looks like a smear of paint along a bright blue sky. Beneath it is a simple two story house with a group of stick people and- a bright orange blob amongst it. He stares at the picture, looks at her, then over to Jessica who shrugs with a sympathetic grin.

He has his suspicions as he touches the paper, tracing the orange shape. "Don't tell me- is this me in my hot dog suit?"

She giggles, then falls into all-out laughter as he tickles her, squirming a little. "Ye-yes," she finally pants when he lays off, his chest starting to throb. "And this is Mommy, and Ryder, and Aunt Natalie, with Liam..." She trails off, noticing as his grip on her tightens. "Uncle Bobby?"

Jessica must catch on too because she swoops in and lifts the little girl, tickling her to distract her. "Here, go play with your brother for a minute, Uncle Bobby and I have to finish getting him settled into his room, ok, baby?"

Forgetting immediately that something's wrong, the little girl nods furiously. "Ok, Mommy."

Once she's gone, Jessica rests a hand on the side of Ford's face. "Hey, hey, it's ok. Take a deep breath." Somehow, through the roaring in his ears, he can hear Viki rustling around behind them, getting a glass of water, and before he knows it, a pill is being held to his lips. "Take the medicine, Bobby." He obliges, shuddering as the cool water trails down his throat.

It kicks in quickly, thankfully, the pain fading a little later, and he whispers, "Sorry. Overdid it, I guess." He looks up to find Jessica frowning at him but she doesn't look angry, just a little scared. "It wasn't Bree's fault. I shouldn't have tickled her like that."

"I know," she hedges, leaning down next to him. "You just wanted her to think everything was normal. And Bobby, it will be, soon... but you can't push it, you know?"

"I know. Trust me, I know." He touches her face. "Are you ok?"

She half-laughs, half-cries, leaning into him. "Yes, I'm fine. You, mister, need some sleep though. No arguments, close your eyes. We'll move you into the bedroom later."

He sighs, sinking into the cushions. "I couldn't argue if I wanted to right now." The medicine makes him sleepy anyway. With her fingers rubbing soft circles in his skin, he's out before he even fully finishes the sentence.

"Easy," Jess tells him again and again. He nods, taking a deep breath as they walk him slowly down the hall towards the bedroom he's going to call home for the rest of his recovery. James, who had come by to visit and offered to help, has him on one side and she on the other, Natalie and Clint trailing behind them in case something happens and more hands are needed. Viki is gone, handling the latest nightmare involving Todd, and the nanny is watching over the children.

"Almost there, Bobby," James says when he takes a minute to rest, rubbing circles against his neck. "Then you can really relax." He nods, slowly taking another step, and another. Repeating the process until they're safely inside the room, relieved as the bed comes closer and closer and- ah, there. It's almost more comfortable than the couch downstairs and he closes his eyes, sinking into the billowy sheets.

"Thanks," he murmurs to the room as a whole, his eyes already a struggle to keep open. Jess ushers the others out with a gentle smile and promise to James for him to visit later, when his brother is stronger. "Jess?" he calls when everything falls silent, afraid she too had left. "Stay with me awhile?" He smiles when the bed shifts, her body molding next to his.

"Alright," she whispers, kissing his nose. "As long as you promise to sleep." He's already falling, only able to wrap an arm around her before he's completely out.

James returns later that night, relieved to find Bobby seeming a little more himself. "You're looking better," he comments.

Ford nods. "I slept all day, so that's probably why." He pats the bed and James settles down next to him, careful not to jostle the bed too much. "So how are you?" He half shrugs and Bobby frowns at him. "Nothing from Starr?"

"She went to California to be with Markko and Langston," he explains, his voice carefully quiet. Simple.

They stare at each other for awhile. "I'm sorry, man. It's rough."

"Hell yeah, it is," he sighs. "But I'll be ok. Like you said, I have Mom and Nate, and you're pulling through, and there's Ryder... I'll have plenty to distract me until I feel like looking again."

"Yeah." He smiles, fumbling around for the remote that always seems to disappear on him. "Speaking of distraction, wanna watch the game?"

James locates it first and hands it over, his lips twitching up too. "Sure, why not." As Bobby finds the proper channel, he gets comfortable, relieved beyond words that Bobby's recovering enough that they _can_ just sit around and watch TV together.

An hour later, Jess comes to check on them and smiles, finding them both asleep, James' head resting on Bobby's shoulder. The TV is droning on loudly and not disturbing them in the slightest. She tiptoes over, collecting the remote from where it's slipping from James' hand and shuts the TV off. "Good night, Fords," she tells them gently before leaving once more.

A few days later, Bobby is allowed to wander the house at his leisure, a lot of his strength returning thanks to the three meals he's given daily and medicine to keep the pain at bay. He joins Clint outside and they sit on the patio for awhile, quietly taking in the soft morning as it takes over Llanview. "Mr. Buchanan," he finally speaks up. "I have a question to ask you." As the senior Buchanan looks over at him, he pulls a velvet box from the folds of his robe and rests it gingerly on the table between them.

"Go ahead then," he says, eyes glinting in a way that makes Bobby think he'd been waiting for this moment for quite awhile.

"I'd like your daughter's hand in marriage, sir." It's old fashioned and he feels sick and nervous, excited and a little ridiculous all at once. The ring had been passed down to his mother from hers, one of the few things that Eddie Ford had never touched, and when Inez had come to visit him the day before, she had seen the look of longing on his face when Jessica had left the room.

"A mother's intuition," she'd claimed before pressing the box into his hands. "I know you'll take good care of this for me." She had looked proud and sad all at once as she'd left, more guilt eating away at him for how he had treated her upon her return to his life.

"Second chances," Clint muses, peering at him as if able to read the younger man's mind. "They're a rare thing. Especially when one is as old and bitter as I am. But Viki gave me mine... I believe you've earned yours too. If you ever hurt my daughter again, though..." He leaves the threat, and Ford, where they sit, getting to his feet. "You have my blessing."

Ford releases a shuddering gasp and looks over his shoulder to find that he's now alone, the box teasing him from where it sits. He's not really sure how much time has passed when the patio door opens again.

"Bobby? Someone's missed their father, I think." Jessica just misses spotting the ring box as he drops a newspaper on top of it, in time to receive an arm full of squirmy baby. He holds Ryder securely, grinning down at the little boy who somehow resembles both him and Jessica, before looking up at her. "Truth be told, I did too," she whispers, pecking him quickly on the lips.

She's about to turn and go find Bree, lips already parted to call for her, when he snags her hand, careful not to dislodge his son. "Hey, wait a minute," he tells her, releasing her enough to shift Ryder from one arm to the other. "I have something for you."

As she pauses, he awkwardly gets to his feet, feeling the tug of the remaining stitches along his chest and ribs. The discomfort is far from his mind, however, as he moves the newspaper away and reveals the box. He hears her gasp as he lifts it and pops it open with one hand, turning. Her hands are covering her mouth as she stares down at him when he gingerly drops to one knee.

"Bobby," she chokes out, tears dripping down onto his outstretched hand as he smiles up at her.

"Jessica Buchanan, will you marry me?" And, as she laughs, cries, and says yes all at once, for the millionth time in the last few weeks, he sends up a heartfelt, quiet thank you to Cole Thornhart for allowing him this chance, to make things right, to finish turning his life around. To be there for the people he loves.


End file.
